3/24 Covid-19 Update: "You get to mourn the loss of things that matter to you"
Hi everybody,
Sorry for not sending an update yesterday (I'm sure you were waiting with bated breath ). It was just a really long/hard day and by the time I got to the end of it, I was quite positive my brain was incapable of producing anything even remotely useful. So I ate frozen pizza and watched Airplane! (for the first time) and told myself I'd try again tomorrow.
I've read so many things the last few days about how much grace and compassion we need to be extending to ourselves and the people around us during this unprecedented time,and I think that advice is both solid and true, and also occasionally really hard to put into practice. Everyone is experiencing the impact of this crisis in their own way, and in my conversations with friends/family, it seems like we're all constantly trying to put our own sense of loss and panic in perspective -- the financial anxiety of depleted retirement accounts is not the same as not knowing how you're going to pay rent or feed your kids. The fear of how this disease might impact your loved ones is not the same as sending a grandparent into the hospital, not knowing if you're going to get to say goodbye to them before they die. The stress of living in quarantine is not the same as the stress of living in a refugee camp where social distance is a physical impossibility. Being rich is not the same as being poor. Being young is not the same as being old. Being healthy is not the same as being sick.
But I seem to be constantly stuck between trying to allow myself the space to feel what I'm feeling (because what's the point in denying it?), and feeling guilty for what I'm feeling, because other people have it so (SO!) much worse. We all feel the need to put asterisks on our own pain, lest someone else judge us for being insensitive, and the stuckness can turn into paralysis.
But the truth is that I think almost everyone I know is experiencing unmatched levels of stress. None of us have lived through anything like this before, either globally, professionally, or personally. I saw this photo the other day of a sign these kids in Brooklyn put up in their window. "We can do hard things." The smartest people I know are doing unimaginably hard things every day and working around the clock to figure out how to stop this pandemic. They truly are heroes. For those of us who don't have genius computer brains, I think one of the hardest things we're going to have to do is figure out how to silence the voices in our own brains that are trying to invalidate our pain/fear, or someone else's. We need to build the muscles that will give us the strength to hold contradictory feelings/thoughts at the same time -- our situation could be objectively worse than someone else's, but that doesn't invalidate their fear or pain, the same way that what's about to happen in Africa doesn't invalidate the fear/pain we're feeling in the United States.Everything is relative, but I don't think that comparing pain ever serves anyone. It makes us smaller, not bigger, and the world needs us to be big right now. It's hard to be big when you're scared you'll be judged, by yourself or someone else, for what you're thinking and feeling.
Anne Helen Petersen wrote this weekend about how to move toward "vast adaptive empathy" toward others: "I did it because what I’m trying to work towards every day is vast, adaptive empathy for what others are going through right now, the sort that doesn’t eclipse the weird mindfuck I’m going through, just makes me feel less alone in it. All of the work I’ve done on burnout has been helpful, I think, when it comes to cultivating this posture: acknowledging the extent and contours of someone else’s burnout does not negate your own. It puts it in context, but it also creates solidarity..." I think the same can be said of pain. Acknowledging the extent and contours of someone else's doesn't negate your own.
"lost your job? grieve that. a project you loved is over? grieve that. lost a loved one? grieve that. you and a friend parted ways? grieve that. you and your love are no longer? grieve that..you .get to mourn the loss of things that matter to you." - Joel Leon
"You will learn a lot from yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery. Be a warrior for love.:- Cheryl Strayed
Sending love,
Alison
Recommended reading:
How to practice social distancing while helping the economy: TL;dr: 1)if your own income is secure, you can redirect funds you would have been spending on commuting, movies or restaurants to those who don’t have the privilege of a steady paycheck or stable housing. 2) Act globally. As bad as the coronavirus has been in wealthy countries, it will likely be much more devastating in poor countries that have worse health-care systems. In many places, social distancing is not even an option. Imagine how quickly the virus may spread in a crowded refugee camp without adequate hygiene and sanitation. Organizations such as the International Rescue Committee already have the infrastructure and expertise in place to help when covid-19 spreads through crowded refugee camps. Donating now can help them prepare and prevent further tragedies for those in refugee camps.3) Think about other ways you may be economically distancing yourself in your daily life. You can try to reverse or make up for it, if you can afford to.
‘I’m going to keep pushing.’ Anthony Fauci tries to make the White House listen to facts of the pandemic Tl;dr: Anthony Fauci is a hero.
An Italian priest who gave a respirator to a younger coronavirus patient he did not know has died of the disease.
6 reasons to be skeptical of Trump’s calls to reopen the economy TL;dr - he's ignoring experts and anyone who tells you that we can restart the economy in the midst of a global pandemic, with millions of Americans dying and a collapsed healthcare system is lying to you.
COVID-19 Poem of the Day:
Invitation
Oh do you have time
to linger
for just a little while
out of your busy
and very important day
for the goldfinches
that have gathered
in a field of thistles
for a musical battle,
to see who can sing
the highest note,
or the lowest,
or the most expressive of mirth,
or the most tender?
Their strong, blunt beaks
drink the air
as they strive
melodiously
not for your sake
and not for mine
and not for the sake of winning
but for sheer delight and gratitude –
believe us, they say,
it is a serious thing
just to be alive
on this fresh morning
in the broken world.
I beg of you,
do not walk by
without pausing
to attend to this
rather ridiculous performance.
It could mean something.
It could mean everything.
It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote:
You must change your life.
-Mary Oliver
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