3/25 Covid-19 Update: Kindness is not canceled. Love is not canceled. Hope is not canceled
Hi all,
I realized today how borderline sick it is that I'm working on covid all the time and now also writing a covid newsletter as my one hobby. I think one of you had a responsibility to intervene before it got to this point! But here we are. I have full blown covid brain.
I've noticed that as soon as I write about something here, I find an article on the internet shortly after that's making the same point, but much better. So here's what I was trying to say yesterday:
Tl;dr
That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief (Harvard Business Review): An interview with the David Kessler - the "world's foremost expert on grief" (only the HBR would think they're qualified to make that distinction)... He co-wrote with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss. His new book adds another stage to the process, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. Kessler also has worked for a decade in a three-hospital system in Los Angeles. He served on their biohazard’s team. His volunteer work includes being an LAPD Specialist Reserve for traumatic events as well as having served on the Red Cross’s disaster services team.
The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.
Anticipatory grief is also more broadly imagined futures. There is a storm coming. There’s something bad out there. With a virus, this kind of grief is so confusing for people. Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening, but you can’t see it. This breaks our sense of safety. We’re feeling that loss of safety. I don’t think we’ve collectively lost our sense of general safety like this. Individually or as smaller groups, people have felt this. But all together, this is new. We are grieving on a micro and a macro level.
There’s denial, which we say a lot of early on: This virus won’t affect us. There’s anger: You’re making me stay home and taking away my activities. There’s bargaining: Okay, if I social distance for two weeks everything will be better, right? There’s sadness: I don’t know when this will end. And finally there’s acceptance. This is happening; I have to figure out how to proceed.
Finally, it’s a good time to stock up on compassion. Everyone will have different levels of fear and grief and it manifests in different ways. A coworker got very snippy with me the other day and I thought, That’s not like this person; that’s how they’re dealing with this. I’m seeing their fear and anxiety. So be patient. Think about who someone usually is and not who they seem to be in this moment.
And, I believe we will find meaning in it. I’ve been honored that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s family has given me permission to add a sixth stage to grief: Meaning. I had talked to Elisabeth quite a bit about what came after acceptance. I did not want to stop at acceptance when I experienced some personal grief. I wanted meaning in those darkest hours. And I do believe we find light in those times. Even now people are realizing they can connect through technology. They are not as remote as they thought. They are realizing they can use their phones for long conversations. They’re appreciating walks. I believe we will continue to find meaning now and when this is over.
Keep trying. There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us. So many have told me in the past week, “I’m telling my coworkers I’m having a hard time,” or “I cried last night.” When you name it, you feel it and it moves through you. Emotions need motion. It’s important we acknowledge what we go through. One unfortunate byproduct of the self-help movement is we’re the first generation to have feelings about our feelings. We tell ourselves things like, I feel sad, but I shouldn’t feel that; other people have it worse. We can — we should — stop at the first feeling. I feel sad. Let me go for five minutes to feel sad.
Sorry. That was a pretty long Tl;dr.
Recommended reading:
Bill Gates says we need a shutdown: Can't reopen business and 'ignore that pile of bodies in the corner':Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates on Tuesday said that the United States missed its opportunity to control the outbreak of the novel coronavirus without a shutdown, arguing that the government did not "act fast enough" to avoid this. rowth is what really counts,’” Gates said, Asked about suggestions being floated in the U.S. about relaxing social distancing measures to avoid severe economic damage, Gates said there is "no middle ground" between the virus and the cost to businesses. "It’s very tough to say to people, ‘Hey, keep going to restaurants, go buy new houses, ignore that pile of bodies over in the corner. We want you to keep spending because there’s maybe a politician who thinks [gross domestic product] GDP growth is what really counts."
The US is now on pace to have the worst corona virus outbreak anywhere:
The Coronavirus Is the Worst Intelligence Failure in U.S. History: It’s more glaring than Pearl Harbor and 9/11—and it’s all the fault of Donald Trump’s leadership -- Suffice it to say, the Trump administration has cumulatively failed, both in taking seriously the specific, repeated intelligence community warnings about a coronavirus outbreak and in vigorously pursuing the nationwide response initiatives commensurate with the predicted threat. The federal government alone has the resources and authorities to lead the relevant public and private stakeholders to confront the foreseeable harms posed by the virus. Unfortunately, Trump officials made a series of judgments (minimizing the hazards of COVID-19) and decisions (refusing to act with the urgency required) that have needlessly made Americans far less safe.
In short, the Trump administration forced a catastrophic strategic surprise onto the American people. But unlike past strategic surprises—Pearl Harbor, the Iranian revolution of 1979, or especially 9/11—the current one was brought about by unprecedented indifference, even willful negligence. Whereas, for example, the 9/11 Commission Report assigned blame for the al Qaeda attacks on the administrations of presidents Ronald Reagan through George W. Bush, the unfolding coronavirus crisis is overwhelmingly the sole responsibility of the current White House.
‘Plz Cancel Our Cleaning’: Virus Leads Many to Cast Aside Household Help: One family laid off its nanny but wondered if she would video chat with the children for free. Across the country, undocumented household workers are being cast out with little help.
Things I saw today that made me feel better/less alone:
"You really need to stop trying to carry out every single meeting, task, and activity online. some things just need to be let go. "Flattening the curve" also involves "lowering the bar" and prioritizing wellbeing above productivity. - @yarimerbonila
"The option I like: We don't sacrifice America's grandparents. We prepare the economy for a big pause and then a big restart. We act like the world's richest nationon the tech frontier and get our act together to contain and kill COVID-19. Anything less to our everlasting shame." @JimPethokoukis
"Kindness is not canceled. Love is not canceled. Hope is not canceled. Your favorite furry friends are here for you.: @sesamestreet
COVID-19 Poem of the day:
"Define loneliness?
Yes.
It's what we can't do for each other."
-Claudia Rankine, Don't Let Me Be Lonely
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I spent today wishing that I had a backyard, and a reliable way to make good coffee at home, and for ice cream delivery. This evening I went to Gas Works and tried to wish more magnanimous things for humanity. Tonight I’m wishing you all sweet dreams, wherever you are. Good night from Seattle.
Alison
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